Three of us visited Dad last Sunday including my sister and my daughter. It was 2.30 in the afternoon and we were told that dad was having a shower. We didn't ask why but sat down in the dining room to wait. He turned up, looking very scrubbed, about fifteen minutes later and sat down with us while the staff went off to make us tea. My sister asked dad if he knew who we were. He looked at her and said, "Well, you're V....." he nodded to my daughter saying "and that's B..." then he looked at me and said "I don't know who this young lady is sitting next to me though!"

He had had a haircut in true Brighton style, shaved short leaving him looking a bit like an old Grant Mitchell. He seemed quite happy and certainly looked well despite wearing 'Georges' glasses.

We tried to make conversation that he could relate to but it is difficult. Finally, as we were leaving, he volunteered, "Well, I suppose I'm stuck here then". We agreed and left him heading for the sitting room. He had eaten all the biscuits.

As we tried to get out (there are two doors with lots of locks) I was waylaid by an elderly lady who couldn't lift her head off her chest. She was leaking from her eyes, her nose and her mouth and I began to panic that I would be shutting the door in her face. I hate to be cruel and it is sad to just leave as she is trying to communicate with me.

Taking dad anywhere early in the morning is a mistake. I knew that.

We collected him from Sparrows at 9.45 am for a journey to Newhaven to see the lead doctor of his mental health team. It was all a rush and we got there just in time. We waited. We finally got in the door and sat ready for the signing off session before he is formally transferred to Brighton and Hove. We recounted how friendly and smiley the care home workers are, that we were happy with their level of care, that dad was apparently well settled in the community (even though he and two others tried to break out).

The Italian doctor conducts the session via me or my sister because Dad cannot understand his accent. We all sit there translating his accented words into understandable Sussex English. We do tests, or try to, and I can't even get the words out when I am required to explain to dad that he must repeat after me "No ifs, ands, or buts"

I make two attempts to say this as we all collapse into giggles. Dad couldn't do it. Neither could he read a sentence given to him. Of course he couldn't, he had someone elses glasses on, again. He put them on, pulled them off, rubbed his eyes and refused to do it.

After repeated attempts to remember three items: an apple, a table and a penny we gave up on the tests. He was unable or wouldn't co-operate and it ended up like a scene from a farce.

The doctor started to jot down his report and wrote: Mr. E is wearing dirty underwear and his hair is rather unkempt and too long. His glasses are not his own and he appears to be wearing his slippers rather than shoes. I looked down at his feet. Slippers, why had I not noticed. Dirty vest, I hadn't even looked. Hair, God, it was long but it had been combed.

Once again I was mortified. We had just bundled him in the car and not actually looked at him.

We were given a lecture along the lines of smiles and cheerful words don't constitute good care and were we sure he was being well looked after.

We drove back to Swallows horrified. The hair has now been cut, the new glasses have been ordered and we have been cut down to size. Poor dad.

We had a formal 6 week review at Sparrows on Friday with our man from the SS and the representative from the home. We were given a written report which covered all aspects of dad's care. It seems he is coping very well and is less incontinent because of the structure of the care, and, though he wanders a bit at night and goes into other people's rooms for a sit down he is very settled. We relayed the story about when he was in Brighton General on one of the many times he went missing. The staff searched the entire hospital before going back to his ward to see if he had turned up. He had, but he was fast asleep in someone else's bed alongside another elderly gentleman, fortunately.

The home are arranging for some more glasses to be made and we have asked for some check-up on his hearing. The District Nurse will see to that. Sparrows is not far from the sea, so we can realistically take him for a walk when the weather improves. Went to see Girl with the Tattoo (sub-titled) last week, Carousel and today will go and see Alison in Wonderland with Jonny Depp that is if M can be dragged away from his project which is nearing completion now.

see: www.corvairdunebuggy.com On that note we might get an invitation to take it to Goodwood for the classic cars show in September. I will dress up as Faye Dunaway and have already bought the Scarf! Finally, on a sad note one of my followers on this site, a very dear friend, died last week. She was in her fifties and was given one of those horrendous 6 weeks to live diagnosis' out of the blue. She made it for a few weeks longer but succumbed to the cruelty of cancer in the end. She came to stay with us in France and we have some lovely memories, particularly of sitting in the Tabac for a meal when the England v France rugby was on. We were the only Anglaise there and the waiter told us to keep a low profile, especially if we won!

Which we did. All the French sang the Marsellaise so we sang the British Anthem as loud as we could when it was our turn. They were gutted when we won. If they had won they would have been driving round the town all hooting their tooters. We all shook hands and left with the entente cordial preserved.

No glasses at all now!

we trooped down to Sparrows with needle and thread to sew yet more labels on clothes. He was fast asleep in the very smelly communal room so we suggested that we go and sit in the Quiet Room used for visitors. He didn't want to do that so we went up anyway, there wa s no way that I was going to sit in the communal room. Once again there were lots of staff on duty and eventually one of them persuaded dad to come and sit with us. The conversation was sporadic:

"Have you made any friends, dad."

"No"

"What is the name of the chatty lady"

"I don't know"

It all continued in that vein and everything we said he didn't hear properly so I think we must look into getting some ear wax drops . He did tell us that he had been up to the eye hospital with a woman to get his eyes checked!! Perhaps that is why he is, once again, wearing someone else's glasses. I walked into the communal room and inspected everyone's glasses to see if they had dad's. None. In the end we left him wearing the 'stolen' ones because he looked good in them!! I am taking my aunt and uncle down to Sparrows to visit on Wednesday, I hope he is up and properly dressed. I might ring up first to check.

Dead! I didn't know that

I told dad that I would put some flowers on mum's grave for mothering Sunday. He looked confused and then we heard the comment "Dead! I didn't know that".

When we were all living in the same house I was a constant reminder of mum because, apparently, I look so much like her. Most of the time he called me by her name.

Gang of Three

Dad looks more than comfortable in his care home. He has someone else's cardi on, no glasses in evidence, but he has been adopted by two other people - a very chatty lady and another man. They are more animated than some of the others and are becoming an item. We asked if they were being troublesome. "Oh no, it's lovely, but they lead each other on" We went up into the little private sitting room and had tea with him. He asked "Are you hiring this place". We knew what he meant but he couldn't get the right words, so we just said yes. "Doesn't that make it difficult in the kitchen". Bless.

We had a few laughs which was great and he is a good colour and very chirpy. I popped along to his bedroom and there were a few cards for him which is lovely. It all looked nice and clean. There are a lot of staff on duty and no one is left to wander aimlessly. No-one would wish to be in this situation but dad seems really happy which is wonderful for him and us.

M. returned from the States avoiding tornados, he looks knackered but cheerful.

He is to become head of ........automotive which is a worldwide position and could herald another big change in our lives. With dad settled we can concentrate on getting back to our world wherever it is. I so miss my own furniture and books and pictures and I can't live like this for much longer.

Glasses are with their rightful owners. Clothes are where they belong but largely missing name tapes. We have ordered another lot. Lots of pictures on the walls and people have sent dad cards so, hopefully, all is right with his world. I feel much calmer if a trifle bored!! We will visit dad this weekend before M. goes to the States. Went to the garden centre and bought some spring flowers in readiness for Spring but it's not here yet, it's bloody freezing. It is 17 degrees in St. Remy.

I rang Hookstead respite this morning to tell them about the mystery glasses. They have got his waiting. I will drive over to Crowborough pick them up and then go to Brighton swap them and then post the mystery ones back to Crowborough.

The meds were delivered today for the last time, I hope.

Dad has a visit to the mental health dept in March, hopefully the change of address to Hove won't affect his consultant. When I thought about dad today I did so with a sense of relief that he is in a permanent place and all being well will stay there for the remainder of his life.

Pat, if you are reading this I haven't forgotten about the card. Hope all is well.

E. went to see dad today and said she didn't like the communal areas but his bedroom was nice.

She had made a collage of photos to hang on the wall. I tried to dismantle the beds ready to throw out. We will buy a new single to replace the twin beds.

I have developed an awful rash which I can't get rid of with anti-histomine and calomine lotion. I think it might be stress related as I have had such things before but I am not so painful now.

We arrived at Sparrows (It definitely doesn't qualify for something balletic like Swallows). A good sign, as we drove up, was the carpet cleaning outfit. The place smelled nice.

Dad was fast asleep in the sitting room but he was wearing his outdoor coat! We trundled up to the top floor with the pouffe (the only bit of recognisable furniture that will fit) a pot of hyacinths that smelled heavenly. I wrote name tags, again, and noticed that there were only three pairs of pants left. We had several half hearted conversations and then I noticed ....someone has lost their glasses because dad has them on...This will be the third pair.

As we drove away we both sighed with relief. Everything is going to be OK.

Dad has arrived and settled in. We will leave him until tomorrow so that he makes an effort.

I should feel happy or relieved but I am too tired to feel anything. I think if the weather were better we would revive but it is so depressing.

Occasionally I get comments left on this site but I can't open them they come up as little boxes, does anyone know how this works?

I might take a look at some short breaks in the sun.

Finally got to see dad again at the respite home and reminded him that he is moving tomorrow.

He just nodded and went back to sleep.

I had cancelled his medication but reinstated it again today for a further two weeks.

Went to the National Theatre on Saturday to see an Alan Bennett play. It was a wonderful experience with witty dialogue. The subject matter was less appealing but very funny.

I had to spend the next day in bed, sleeping, to get over it all.

An outreach worker is going to collect dad and deliver him to Hove. We have written to all our relatives and some of his friends explaining what is happening and ask them to remember him with cards, postcards etc. He knows who everyone is and it will keep him aware, perhaps.

Dad is still in quarantine and unlikely to move until Tuesday and then only if the Hookstead has been free of D&V for 72 hours.

Went to C'borough again to deliver meds. The D & V is still taking victims so there is no change of dad getting out for the next few days nor can we get in.

Friday: Dad succumbed to the D&V. Everyone on his floor has it now. Apparently, the three men ate breakfast as normal and then a few minutes later they all dee'd and vee'd.

I didn't have a good day either but had to go to Brighton to personalise dad's room ready for when he gets there. Forgot the pouffe but took photos ( all labelled). Then drove to telscombe with an old photo of dad in his army kilt when he was about 20. A photographer will reproduce the pic and tidy it up then we can frame it to match one of Mum at the same age. Drove home like a zombie and forgot to put the car into park as I tried to get out. Wondered why it was running backwards.

Just got it sorted as it was inches from the car parked behind. The poor bloke who owned the one behind looked horrified. I was horrified and not safe to be on the road. Went home and went to bed. Not a good day.

He didn't go! The respite place has imposed a 'lockdown' following an outbreak of D & V.

I wouldn't want to be caring for numbers of Deeing and Veeing all locked in and everyone else locked out. Horrific.

Swallow Lodge will take dad under it's wing on Thursday (subject to snow). We have agreed that a member of staff from Hookstead will take him and we won't be there. This caused a bit of soul searching, but Dad responds to others and will not question the new arrangements whereas if we take him he might react badly. I will go and see him this afternoon and explain what is happening.

I have organised his medication for the next two weeks to tide him over.

I went to the ballet (Romeo & Juliet) last night and in an effort to economise I only spent £25 on each ticket. Never again, we were up in the gallery which is four floors up steep circular stairs. We were in the front row but there was a small guard rail which cut right across the vision. As the curtain went up and the dancers appeared on stage there was a raised area at the back of the stage and anyone dancing on that had there heads cut off by the front upper edge of the stage. I am not explaining this very well but take my word for it that the giggle level shot up as all those beautiful dancers lost their heads. We couldn't help it - so comical. We thought we would lose the balcony scene altogether but luckily there wasn't one. Romeo and Juliet without a balcony!

These issues aside it was wonderful, comic in places and the principal ballerina was so delicate she looked like a feather. An advantage of being in the Gods was that we looked down on them which allowed you to see all the dancers footwork.

Another giggle moment came when I saw one of the principal males was going bald. Can you have bald ballet dancers? I am glad I made the effort to go out in the bitter cold but the whole programme lasted three hours which was a trifle long. When we came out of the theatre there were lots of people about, Massive Attack were on at the Dome with their show finishing before ours. I love Brighton.

I have to get dad's meds to Crowborough and it is snowing. The manageress of the care home also has to get there today. Crowborough is a nightmare in bad weather.

Feel very unwell at the moment, so tired and painful. Haven't got the energy to motivate myself.

I managed to get to sleep last night with some homeopathic sleeping tablets, in fact I slept a little too well and when our chief nurse (mental health) rang at nine I was still in the land of nod.

"good news" he said we have got funding. So that's it. We just have to get the Manageress to assess dad on Monday and then we can move on to the next stage of our lives.

I will spend the weekend selecting clothes and pictures for his room. We did think of giving him a budgie as he used to show them when younger. The trouble is he might not look after it and the poor thing will be neglected. We will write to everyone in his address book and tell them of the change of address. I will ask people if they would sent him the odd card or postcard so that he gets some continuity. He has no problem yet in remembering people, particularly if they are long term friends.

The weather is beautiful today and I walked up to the downs with the dog.